How to Stop Being Judgmental


eyesIsn’t it interesting how people can look at someone else and either judge them negatively or positively, and either judgment be incorrect. For me the simple solution then is, don’t judge!

We all know what negative judgment is, you know when you look at someone critically, and make an assumption about them without knowing the facts, pains and sorrows behind their actions or inactions.

Well the same can happen in the opposite direction.

I hear people complain all the time about their bodies, their lives, their lifestyles, their food etc. because of the work I do. That’s my job to hear these concerns. Don’t get me wrong, I have no qualm with that, that’s what I’m here for, to help people move forward. The point I am making is that what I’m about to say, comes from experience and not a generalization; it’s based on what people complain to me about.

You see the most common type of thing I hear are things like:

‘I wish I had her body’

‘I wish I had the time that <insert name> has’

‘I wish my hubby would cook like <inset names>’s hubby’

‘I wish I could wear what she’s wearing and get away with it’

‘I wish I could be as happy as <insert name>’

‘I wish I had the money like <insert name> to buy…’

Have you caught yourself talking like this? If you have, you are making an assumption about someone, based on the edited snippet of life you see, not the 24/7 life this person leads. Remember the show ‘Big Brother’? They lived in that house 24/7. How much of it did you see? An hour’s worth, plus the uncensored hours’ worth. So what happens the rest of the time? You have no idea! You judge the person and show based on those 2 hours you could see.

Other people’s lives are the same. You only see what you can see, what is shown to you. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. Let’s take a look at each point from above. I am simply going to bring up 3 objective questions for each, though there could be hundreds:

‘I wish I had her body’

  • Did this person have a journey to achieve that body?
  • What do they have to do to have that body?
  • It may look like one you would like, but what about what is going on, on the inside?

‘I wish I had the time that <insert name> has’

  • Does this person work the hours you work?
  • Do you both have the same amount of children and extra curricula activities?
  • Does this person receive more/less help than you do?

‘I wish my hubby would cook like <insert names>’s hubby’

  • Does <insert name>’s hubby work or is he studying/unemployed/fulltime dad/househusband?
  • Is <insert name>’s hubby a chef?
  • What does your hubby do that <insert name>’s hubby doesn’t?

‘I wish I could wear what she’s wearing and get away with it’

  • What is it that makes you think that <insert name> can get away with exactly, that you can’t?
  • Have you tried?
  • Does that suit your body type, and is there something you wear that <insert name> doesn’t?

‘I wish I could be as happy as <insert name>’

  • Is <insert name> really happy, or is that what you see?
  • What anguish is <insert name> suffering inside that you may not see?
  • What does <insert name>’s personal journal say; would it agree with you?

‘I wish I had the money like <insert name> to buy…’

  • What’s stopping you from making $xx.00?
  • Was that money handed to <insert name> or did they earn it?
  • <Insert name> has $xx.00 at what cost? Do you really know?

The moral of the story is, you could go on judging people or ‘wishing’ things or you could make a list of things you would love to see, or already see, within yourself or about yourself, that you love, and learn to love yourself and your traits, more.

The fact is, as per the cliché, if we all put our problems in a bowl and had to take one out, we would all take back our own problem, because at least you know what you’re up against. You have no idea about what goes on behind closed doors.dreamstime_s_38620926

Close your door, stand in front of your mirror with a notebook and pen; make a list of everything you love and don’t love about you and focus on those things.

Remember; when you point the finger at someone, there are always 3 more pointing straight back at you. Rather than pointing fingers, open up your hands, in readiness to embrace; others and yourself.