If someone has been identified as ‘overweight’ for any period of time, it often becomes their identity. How they identify themselves and how they are identified by others. It becomes part of who they are, their comfort zone.
Stepping out of any comfort zone has its risks. The outside world is often unfamiliar and frightening.
What will it be like there?
What if you step outside and hate it?
What if it’s not all it’s cut out to be?
What if your loved ones no longer love you?
What if it doesn’t make you happy?
What if your kids don’t find you cuddly enough anymore and they stop giving you cuddles?
What if your partner no longer finds you attractive?
You will be the only one that isn’t eating pizza by the box-load when you go out with your friends; how will that feel?
You will be the friend ordering ‘clean food’ when you go out to dinner with friends; will they tease you about that?
You will be the one going to the gym Friday night instead of the bar; how will that effect your friendships?
These are all real questions people subconsciously or consciously think about. I often hear people say they are ‘afraid of failure’ but what I have found to be true with clients that consult with me, is that the common emotion is in fact fear of success, not failure.
If you are not where you want to be right now, you are already ‘failed’ as you are not where you would like to be. You know what that feels like. You have already experienced what that feels like and what it represents in relation with other people. It is your comfort zone.
This is also another reason people emotionally eat; to keep them in their comfort zone when their emotions are challenged.
‘Success’ however is a foreign world. Especially if you have never experienced it. People are often sceptical of change, perhaps fear it, or perhaps are just apprehensive about it. Either way it if this is you, it stops you from moving forward; especially when it’s a journey you are embarking on, on your own.
This is why many people embark on a weight loss or fitness journey with a friend. Aside from the motivation side of things, having someone to exit the comfort zone with, is always easier than heading out there alone.
Embarking on your new health and fitness journey with at least one friend also means that you will have a comrade when dining out, eating similar food, meal prepping, hitting the gym etc. You won’t be the ‘outcast’ or at least feel that way. It is hard being the ‘different’ friend, trying to change your life. It is always easier when doing it with a friend.
To help you stop self-sabotaging if any of this rings true for you, the best recommendation I can make is for you to embark on your journey with someone else that feels the same way as you. If you have already commenced your journey and find yourself constantly yo-yo dieting, or self-sabotaging just as things start moving, then seek out one of your friends that is willing to come along for the ride with you, even if it’s just to support you. Success is never achieved alone.
So stop and think, the next time you are self-sabotaging; am I afraid of failure or success? If it’s success, recruit a friend to ride with you. It will vastly increase your chances of success. And if you choose a friend that is part of the ‘comfort zone’ the success rate vastly increases, over choosing a friend from the ‘new zone’. This is because you feel like you are taking part of your comfort zone with you.
All the best in your journey.
– Terri Batsakis, Certified Master Coach, Wellness Coach, Author